I do love Jesus, but seem to show little of it in my daily life, but this is a struggle i must face as i don't live with in a Christian home/environment, a bit upsetting but once my entire story is explained one can see why I hold this part back in my life..Thus leads to my problem, I can be a com pleat pushover. I do say no but when no one listens, or ignores this it make it impossible to find self confidence within. There is also part of me that can see the battle that looms on the horizon from time to time, and I dislike arguing, again mainly cuz no one listens when i speak gently so they get upset or offended when i say something loudly, never mind its what i said yesterday nicely. I need the man in my life to understand my weakness, help be become stronger, I also need him to understand that when he needs to step in and be my backbone.
I do not think as others do, so I need him to understand its OK to tell me to calm down or just listen to me ramble on till I'm done going crazy, and can think & talk rationally again, amongst all the other things a women can need. I also do not see things the way many women, see things, so I speak plainly, and call it as i see it. I may change my mind, then again I may not. I want him to also know that we can spend time together & time apart, but mostly he needs to know I adore him regardless of his flaws, I love spending every moment with him and need no reason for it.
I am affectionate, sometimes a bit much. I can be called aggressive from time to time, but once you get to know me you learn this is me, but I know when to stop. He has to like my kind of music and understand I have my moments where I want to play something completely diffrent than what i normally listen to and he has to be OK with that. He also needs to know I have a wild side from time to time and i need to let it loose.
But the whole reason I decided to do this was to find an outlet for all my thoughts, and maybe a way to find me..again..I got lost somewhere in the last few years.